Ese koko kugira ngo wereke uwo ukunda  ni ngombwa ko mukorana imibonano mpuzabitsina?

Mu Isi ya none, cyane cyane mu bakiri bato, kenshi usanga hari isano ikomeye hagati y’urukundo n’imibonano mpuzabitsina. Uzumva abantu bavuga bati “niba unkunda, bigaragaze” cyagwa bakagushishikariza gukorana nabo imibonano mpuzabitsina kugira ngo bagaragaze ko bagukunda.

Ariko se koko imibonano mpuzabitsina ni ngombwa kugira ngo umuntu agaragaze urukundo, cyangwa ni imitekerereze idakwiye iri mu bantu?

Urukundo ni kimwe mu bituzanira amarangamutima menshi, ariko si ngombwa ko biba bifitanye isano n’imibonano mpuzabitsina. Ubushakashatsi n’impuguke bigaragaza ko urukundo rushobora kugaragarira mu buryo bwinshi, imibonano mpuzabitsina ikaba bumwe muri ubwo buryo kandi ikaba itari ubw’ingenzi cyane.

Umuhanga mu by’imitekerereze ya muntu Robert Sternberg, yagaragaje ko kenshi urukundo rugizwe n’ibintu bitatu: Ukwiyumvanamo, ishyaka no kwiyemeza.

Imibonano mpuzabitsina ni kimwe mu bigaragaza ukwiyumvanamo. Ni ngombwa kumenya ko n’ubwo imibonano mpuzabitsina ishobora kubaho mu rukundo, atari ibintu bigomba kujyana buri gihe.

Bamwe mu bubatse imibano igakomera, ntibabigezeho kubera imibonano mpuzabitsina, kimwe n’uko hari bamwe bubakiye imibano yabo kuri yo ariko ntirambe.

Kwiyumvanamo n’umuntu ntibisobanuye ko bisaba imibonano mpuzabitsina.

Ubushakashatsi bwamuritswe mu kinyamakuru Archives of Sexual Behavior, bwagaragaje ko kugaragarizanya urukundo binyuze mu guhoberana, gufatana ibiganza ndetse no kuganira biri mu bituma urukundo rushinga imizi kandi rukarangwa n’ibyishimo.

Abantu benshi bamaze igihe kirekire bakundana bagiye bagaragaza ko ibyo bintu bito bito bituma bumva barushijeho gukundana kuruta uko bakorana imibonano mpuzabitsina.

Inyigo yo mu 2020 yakozwe na National Library of Medicine, igaragaza ko 68% by’abakiri bato, bagaragaje ko kumvana no gusobanukirwana ari ingenzi cyane kuruta imibonano mpuzabitsina ku bakundana.

Abandi babashije kubazwa muri iyi nyigo, bagaragaje ko gupfumbatana, gusangizanya amabanga no kubahana ari byo kuri bo bisobanuye urukundo.

Abakiri bato benshi bishora mu mibonano mpuzabitsina kugira ngo bagaragaze ko bakunda bagenzi babo babitewe n’ikigare. Bashobora kubiterwa n’ibyo babona mu itangazamakuru, inshuti, ndetse no muri bagenzi babo bakundana.

Ubushakashatsi bwakozwe mu mwaka wa 2019 ku isano y’urubyiruko n’imibanire hagati ya rwo bwagaragaje ko 52% by’urubyiruko ruri hagati y’imyaka 15 na 24 rushorwa mu mibonano mpuzabitsina bigatuma kenshi rugorwa no gutandukanya ibyifuzo by’umubiri nk’urukundo nyakuri.

Ariko kandi gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina ntibisobanuye ko uwo muntu muba mwiyumvanamo cyangwa ngo mugirane ubucuti bwimbitse. Abantu benshi bagiye bicuza kuba baragiranye imibonano mpuzabitsina na bagenzi babo batabanje guhuza mu buryo bw’ibyiyumvo.

Ubushakashatsi bwakozwe na American Psychological Association, bwagaragaje ko iyo abashakanye batinze gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina, barushaho kugirana imishyikirano myiza kandi umubano wabo ugashikama.

Kimwe mu bintu by’ingenzi cyane biranga urukundo ni ukubahana. Urukundo rwanyu rugomba gushingira ku bwumvikane. Nta muntu n’umwe wagombye kumva ahatiwe gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina kugira ngo agaragaze urukundo rwe.

Kuganira mu bwisanzure ni ingenzi. Abakundana baganira ku byiyumvo byabo, ibyifuzo byabo, baba bafite amahirwe menshi yo kubaka icyizere hagati muri bo n’ubumwe byihariye.

Nsengimana Donatien.